My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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