I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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