There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
