and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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