covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
