Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
