this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i think i just lost a toe
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
