Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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