im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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