dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
