I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
