the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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