put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
