i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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