THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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