were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
