I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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