i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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