jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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