A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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