I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
