The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my vag is so smooth its legendary
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
