Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
