Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
