I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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