Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
