i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
