I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
