why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
