He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
