my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
