In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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