were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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