Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hippo gnu deer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
