lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
