repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
