Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
