Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
