a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
