Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
