I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
