Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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