Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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