I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's get the cat blown out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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