i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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