dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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