I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
