i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
