dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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