i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
