i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
