Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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