Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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