why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
