My room smells like vodka and shame
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My ATM looks so different sober.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
